Structure Your Life without Anxiety
“We have found that the lives of many anxious people lack structure. Thinking of your life as having a “structure” may be unfamiliar. . . The uses we make of our time is what we call the “structure” of our lives; it is how we organize our lives. ..
The structure of your life refers to the routine, everyday activities of your life, or how you normally spend your time. As we will explain, a chaotic pattern both is caused by anxiety symptoms and contributes to worsening of anxiety. This chicken-and-egg balance of panic and structured living is important to understand, since often people who have lost a functional structure in their lives believe it is impossible for them to have structure again.
Structured living is often lost when anxiety hits because your feelings of panic are so overwhelming. They demand attention when they surface, and take precedence over any other plans that had been made. This giving in to a feeling-driven scheduling means that it is very hard to stick to any plans. Almost all people who suffer from panicky feelings recognize the dominant role of panic in making daily plans. For some people, this takes an extreme form and leads to avoidance of almost all activities. For others, it means that they are never sure if they will be able to execute a plan when the time comes. Once the anxious feelings become the focus of how you react to life, it is hard to live by any routine without being swayed by how you feel from moment to moment. When this happens the dragon is running your life, not you.
This feeling-based reaction to life is terribly harmful. It leads to instability and to being able to count on nothing, not your feelings, not your actions, not your schedule. Everything in your life is chaotic. All people, but especially people with anxiety problems, need structure to their living. The chaos that is caused by impulsive, feeling-driven planning undermines all structure and exacerbates the feeling of being out of control that characterizes anxiety disorders. We have found that the more choices you are able to exercise over how to spend you time-for example, if you are retired, work in your home, or are a homemaker-the more difficult it is to impose structure on your life. Employment and other obligations that are structured by external forces help keep you form focusing too much attention on your feelings.
(The Anxiety Cure, pge 147-148)
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Relish Humilation
Occasionally my husband unintentionally flaunts that he is light years ahead of me spiritually. On Friday, Jon came home supercharged by his recent confession with Father Avelino. During our family rosary that night this was his prayer: “Mary please uproot all pride in my life, drown me in humiliations.”
Drown me in humiliations? Not the passé increase the virtue of humility in me. No, my dear spouse plead to be drowned in humiliations.
I felt sort of prodded into joining into this request when it came time to state my own intentions. “Yes, me too! Uproot all pride in me and increase my humiliations.” There is this special type of prayer that sort of makes diaphragm clench up. My thought on Friday night, was “uh, this prayer might actually work!”
On Sunday, I worked as heroic sheepdog to get all my little ones ready for Mass. My husband packed our crew into their car seats in time for 8:30 Mass. I came out of the apartment carrying something forgotten item, either Hannah’s sweater or Maria’s pacifier. My husband lifted his head out of the backseat and said, “Can you get Maria a bottle? She hasn’t eaten all day!”
I started to protest, “Why didn’t you feed her?” Then this phrase entered my head “Relish Humiliation.” Relish Humiliation. I’m supposed to lap up these moments. I turned on my heels and headed back into the apartment to grab some milk.
As I searched around for a clean bottle with a matching cap, I thought about how pathetic I am. My baby and I were both up for at least half and hour. Yet I never thought to actually feed her. Instead, I was too busy lost in thought from my recent Virginia Woolf New York Times book review that I read online that morning. “What a dreamy Mom, I am?” I thought. “It’s so hard on my kids.” (Most Moms remember that children need to eat before Sunday Mass. Most Mom probably do not find the “servant question” of Virginia Woolf so engrossing.)
Relish Humiliation. It doesn’t feel good to take correction. Yet that is all that Christ asks of us. Admitting our mistakes, noticing our shortcoming, practicing submission to those in Authority, these are the tasks that make up the life of a faithful Catholic. This is how Christ will separate the sheep from the goats.
I may not ever figure out how to balance my dreamy abstract thinking with the practicality of motherhood. Christ doesn’t really require perfection. If I relish the humiliation when I forget things, I’m well on my way to acquiring the virtue of humility in spades.
Drown me in humiliations? Not the passé increase the virtue of humility in me. No, my dear spouse plead to be drowned in humiliations.
I felt sort of prodded into joining into this request when it came time to state my own intentions. “Yes, me too! Uproot all pride in me and increase my humiliations.” There is this special type of prayer that sort of makes diaphragm clench up. My thought on Friday night, was “uh, this prayer might actually work!”
On Sunday, I worked as heroic sheepdog to get all my little ones ready for Mass. My husband packed our crew into their car seats in time for 8:30 Mass. I came out of the apartment carrying something forgotten item, either Hannah’s sweater or Maria’s pacifier. My husband lifted his head out of the backseat and said, “Can you get Maria a bottle? She hasn’t eaten all day!”
I started to protest, “Why didn’t you feed her?” Then this phrase entered my head “Relish Humiliation.” Relish Humiliation. I’m supposed to lap up these moments. I turned on my heels and headed back into the apartment to grab some milk.
As I searched around for a clean bottle with a matching cap, I thought about how pathetic I am. My baby and I were both up for at least half and hour. Yet I never thought to actually feed her. Instead, I was too busy lost in thought from my recent Virginia Woolf New York Times book review that I read online that morning. “What a dreamy Mom, I am?” I thought. “It’s so hard on my kids.” (Most Moms remember that children need to eat before Sunday Mass. Most Mom probably do not find the “servant question” of Virginia Woolf so engrossing.)
Relish Humiliation. It doesn’t feel good to take correction. Yet that is all that Christ asks of us. Admitting our mistakes, noticing our shortcoming, practicing submission to those in Authority, these are the tasks that make up the life of a faithful Catholic. This is how Christ will separate the sheep from the goats.
I may not ever figure out how to balance my dreamy abstract thinking with the practicality of motherhood. Christ doesn’t really require perfection. If I relish the humiliation when I forget things, I’m well on my way to acquiring the virtue of humility in spades.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Cherish
Last night, I was in charge of picking out the movie. I sort of bottomed out with "P.S. I love you." My husband is such a good sport with the whole girly romantic thing. He kept saying "It's not bad," as I kept picking at the plot line. (An Irish guy gets married to an American Irish girl, he dies at a young age, and sends her letters for a year to help him get over her.) I kept feeling vaguely dissatisfied though out hte flick. The couple are married for 9 years but she's never "ready" for a kid. She's got some issues and regrets after his death, but they all seem sort of flat, sort of lost.
I left the house at 6 AM, alone in a rare moment, to attend First Friday/First Saturday Adoration. I thought about that movie again. Thing thing that bugs me the most is that in the middle of the movie, there is the flash back to the "perfect" meeting of this couple. Meeting the right person is "when your life starts" the movie says. Yet the whole film talks about mistreatment of the "right guy" as inevitable. (For example, in one of the most distressing scenes the widowed heroine goes to her divorced mother for advice. They both comfort themselves that whether by divorce or death, men leave and "you are always left alone." As a Catholic, I had a hard time equating being dumped in divorce to being left as your spouse enters enternal life. One is a sin, one brings tremendous sources of grace.)
I sort of prayed about that issue on my way to Adoration. I told God, "I just can't believe that story is true; that you can meet the perfect Catholic boy in Catholic Ireland and then somehow never get anywhere healed enough to enter a true intimate union with him."
I got this flood of assurance. When God gives you the most precious gift of a "perfect" spouse, He hands you the instructions. He doesn't leave you hanging with all the baggage from your parents divorce or all the original sin in the world. He gives you "instructions" or lessons on how to love each other. He teaches each of you how to care for the other person's soul. Some of those instructions come from the church, like the universal requirement that marriage and openness to children go hand in hand together. Some come from more private revelation. But the point is that, we're not on our own to figure out how to stay married to each other.
My husband says that we're blessed because we had a sacramental marriage. It's true that my grace to love my spouse came wrapped in the same paper as the Miracle at Cana (thank you to my dear Blessed Mother). I have to hope that even if others don't have the special gift of a sacramental marriage, that those "how to care for you spouse properly" lessons aren't far away. I have to pray that more Americans, especialy those searching Irish Catholics get that same grace in their lives.
Marriage is so beautiful. My husband and I have started to joke about the celebrity attention we receive by attending Daily Mass together as a family. Jon says "we are like an endangered species." I told him that while everyone who looks at us know initially assume we're cradle Catholics, the truth is that we're not. We're reclaimed. A boy and a girl once adrifted in the secular dating swamp, reclaimed, purified, and placed down in as a model Catholic family. I pray were just the tip of the iceberg!
I left the house at 6 AM, alone in a rare moment, to attend First Friday/First Saturday Adoration. I thought about that movie again. Thing thing that bugs me the most is that in the middle of the movie, there is the flash back to the "perfect" meeting of this couple. Meeting the right person is "when your life starts" the movie says. Yet the whole film talks about mistreatment of the "right guy" as inevitable. (For example, in one of the most distressing scenes the widowed heroine goes to her divorced mother for advice. They both comfort themselves that whether by divorce or death, men leave and "you are always left alone." As a Catholic, I had a hard time equating being dumped in divorce to being left as your spouse enters enternal life. One is a sin, one brings tremendous sources of grace.)
I sort of prayed about that issue on my way to Adoration. I told God, "I just can't believe that story is true; that you can meet the perfect Catholic boy in Catholic Ireland and then somehow never get anywhere healed enough to enter a true intimate union with him."
I got this flood of assurance. When God gives you the most precious gift of a "perfect" spouse, He hands you the instructions. He doesn't leave you hanging with all the baggage from your parents divorce or all the original sin in the world. He gives you "instructions" or lessons on how to love each other. He teaches each of you how to care for the other person's soul. Some of those instructions come from the church, like the universal requirement that marriage and openness to children go hand in hand together. Some come from more private revelation. But the point is that, we're not on our own to figure out how to stay married to each other.
My husband says that we're blessed because we had a sacramental marriage. It's true that my grace to love my spouse came wrapped in the same paper as the Miracle at Cana (thank you to my dear Blessed Mother). I have to hope that even if others don't have the special gift of a sacramental marriage, that those "how to care for you spouse properly" lessons aren't far away. I have to pray that more Americans, especialy those searching Irish Catholics get that same grace in their lives.
Marriage is so beautiful. My husband and I have started to joke about the celebrity attention we receive by attending Daily Mass together as a family. Jon says "we are like an endangered species." I told him that while everyone who looks at us know initially assume we're cradle Catholics, the truth is that we're not. We're reclaimed. A boy and a girl once adrifted in the secular dating swamp, reclaimed, purified, and placed down in as a model Catholic family. I pray were just the tip of the iceberg!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Letting Children Talk-Piaget
Interesting thoughts from Piaget:
"In one of his most famous experiments, Piaget asked children, "What makes the wind?" A typical Piaget dialogue:
Piaget: What makes the wind?
Julia: The trees.
P: How do you know?
J: I saw them waving their arms.
P: How does that make the wind?
J (waving her hand in front of his face): Like this. Only they are bigger. And there are lots of trees.
P: What makes the wind on the ocean?
J: It blows there from the land. No. It's the waves...
Piaget recognized that five-year-old Julia's beliefs, while not correct by any adult criterion, are not "incorrect" either. They are entirely sensible and coherent within the framework of the child's way of knowing. Classifying them as "true" or "false" misses the point and shows a lack of respect for the child. What Piaget was after was a theory that could find in the wind dialogue coherence, ingenuity and the practice of a kind of explanatory principle (in this case by referring to body actions) that stands young children in very good stead when they don't know enough or have enough skill to handle the kind of explanation that grownups prefer.'
From Time Magazine's Top 100 Scientists http://www.time.com/time/time100/scientist/profile/piaget.html
"In one of his most famous experiments, Piaget asked children, "What makes the wind?" A typical Piaget dialogue:
Piaget: What makes the wind?
Julia: The trees.
P: How do you know?
J: I saw them waving their arms.
P: How does that make the wind?
J (waving her hand in front of his face): Like this. Only they are bigger. And there are lots of trees.
P: What makes the wind on the ocean?
J: It blows there from the land. No. It's the waves...
Piaget recognized that five-year-old Julia's beliefs, while not correct by any adult criterion, are not "incorrect" either. They are entirely sensible and coherent within the framework of the child's way of knowing. Classifying them as "true" or "false" misses the point and shows a lack of respect for the child. What Piaget was after was a theory that could find in the wind dialogue coherence, ingenuity and the practice of a kind of explanatory principle (in this case by referring to body actions) that stands young children in very good stead when they don't know enough or have enough skill to handle the kind of explanation that grownups prefer.'
From Time Magazine's Top 100 Scientists http://www.time.com/time/time100/scientist/profile/piaget.html
More Nerdy Educational Theory-Vygotsky
One of the most facinating educational theorists I've run across is L.S. Vygotsky. (Now a word of warning, Vygotsky was a Jewish Russian theorist at the time of the 1917 Revolution. I'm a little cautious about how much of his Marxist ideology has impacted his educational theory. I haven't found any Catholic teaching that rules against his viewpoints, but I'm keeping my eyes open).
With that cavet in mind, Vygotsky's ideas are amazing. They aren't wildly known in the US yet because his books were only recently allowed out of the country.
Vygotsky invented this theory called "zone of proximal development" or ZPD. Imagine drawing two circles, one inside the other. The interior circle represents how the student can function independently. For example, my daughter can read and write her name, Hannah, and decipher street signs. Hannah's reading comprehension actually far exceeds these simple reading tasks. With assistance (i.e. someone else reading The Story of the Soul) Hannah can understand, remember and eagerly engage in a discussion about Saint Therese's early childhood.
As a teacher, we should help students expand the intellectual places that they can function with some help. By spending more time on these "outer reaches" of knowledge, students learn the most. The most valuable relationship between teacher and student is one of "collaboration' not dictation.
Here is a long quote from a Educational Theory Website:
"In Vygotskian perspective, the ideal role of the teacher is that of providing scaffolding (collaborative dialogue) to assist students on tasks within their zones of proximal development."[42] During scaffolding the first step is to build interest and engage the learner. Once the learner is actively participating, the given task should be simplified by breaking it into smaller subtasks. During this task, the teacher needs to keep the learner focused, while concentrating on the most important ideas of the assignment. One of the most integral steps in scaffolding consists of keeping the learner from becoming frustrated. The final task associated with scaffolding involves the teacher modeling possible ways of completing tasks, which the learner can then imitate and eventually internalize. [43]
Vygotsky recommended a social context wherein a more competent learner would be paired with a less competent one, so that the former can elevate the latter's competence. This social context promotes sustained achievement and cognitive growth for less competent students."[44] Accordingly, students need to work together to construct their learning, teach each other so to speak, in a socio-cultural environment. In-class opportunities for collaboration on difficult problem-solving tasks will offer support to students who are struggling with the material. By interacting with more capable students who continue to mediate transactions between the struggling students and the content, all students will benefit.[45]
The implications of Vygotsky's theories and observations for educators are several and significant. In Vygotsky's view, the teacher has the collaborative "task of guiding and directing the child's activity."[46] Children can then solve novel problems "on the basis of a model he [sic] has been shown in class."[47] In other words, children learn by solving problems with the help of the teacher, who models processes for them and his or her peers, in a classroom environment that is directed by the teacher. In essence, "the child imitates the teacher through a process of re-creating previous classroom collaboration."[48] It is important to note that the teacher does not control the class with rule and structure; rather, the teacher collaborates with the students and provides support and direction.[49]
Assignments and activities that can be accurately completed by a student without assistance, indicate that the student has previously mastered the necessary prior knowledge. In the majority of classrooms this would be the conclusion of a unit; however, this is Vygotsky's entry point. However, as previously mentioned, the teacher must carefully group the student that "can potentially develop in collaboration with a more capable person."[50]
In our research, we found limited references to Vygotsky's specific views on curriculum content. One exception involves the teaching of writing to preschoolers. According to Garton and Pratt, Vygotsky argued for shifting the teaching of writing to preschool. They explain that Vygotsky differentiated between two forms of speech: spoken and written. Vygotsky, as cited by Garton and Pratt, asserts that a child develops an understanding that spoken speech can be symbolized in writing by progressing from "drawing things to drawing speech."[51] Vygotsky suggested then that the preschool curriculum should be designed so that it was organized to "ease child's transition from drawing things to drawing speech."[52]
Learning to master tools and technologies should also be included in the curriculum. "Students should be taught how to use tools such as the computer, resource books, and graphs in order to better utilize these tools in the future.[53] In this way, students will benefit as these tools and technologies influence the individual's thinking (along with the development of language).[54]
In sum, Vygotsky's findings suggest that the curriculum should generally challenge and stretch learner's competence.[55] The curriculum should provide many opportunities to apply previous skills, knowledge and experiences, with "authentic activities connected to real-life environment."[56] "Since children learn much through interaction, curricula should be designed to emphasize interaction between learners and learning tasks."[57]
From: http://www.newfoundations.com/GALLERY/Vygotsky.html
With that cavet in mind, Vygotsky's ideas are amazing. They aren't wildly known in the US yet because his books were only recently allowed out of the country.
Vygotsky invented this theory called "zone of proximal development" or ZPD. Imagine drawing two circles, one inside the other. The interior circle represents how the student can function independently. For example, my daughter can read and write her name, Hannah, and decipher street signs. Hannah's reading comprehension actually far exceeds these simple reading tasks. With assistance (i.e. someone else reading The Story of the Soul) Hannah can understand, remember and eagerly engage in a discussion about Saint Therese's early childhood.
As a teacher, we should help students expand the intellectual places that they can function with some help. By spending more time on these "outer reaches" of knowledge, students learn the most. The most valuable relationship between teacher and student is one of "collaboration' not dictation.
Here is a long quote from a Educational Theory Website:
"In Vygotskian perspective, the ideal role of the teacher is that of providing scaffolding (collaborative dialogue) to assist students on tasks within their zones of proximal development."[42] During scaffolding the first step is to build interest and engage the learner. Once the learner is actively participating, the given task should be simplified by breaking it into smaller subtasks. During this task, the teacher needs to keep the learner focused, while concentrating on the most important ideas of the assignment. One of the most integral steps in scaffolding consists of keeping the learner from becoming frustrated. The final task associated with scaffolding involves the teacher modeling possible ways of completing tasks, which the learner can then imitate and eventually internalize. [43]
Vygotsky recommended a social context wherein a more competent learner would be paired with a less competent one, so that the former can elevate the latter's competence. This social context promotes sustained achievement and cognitive growth for less competent students."[44] Accordingly, students need to work together to construct their learning, teach each other so to speak, in a socio-cultural environment. In-class opportunities for collaboration on difficult problem-solving tasks will offer support to students who are struggling with the material. By interacting with more capable students who continue to mediate transactions between the struggling students and the content, all students will benefit.[45]
The implications of Vygotsky's theories and observations for educators are several and significant. In Vygotsky's view, the teacher has the collaborative "task of guiding and directing the child's activity."[46] Children can then solve novel problems "on the basis of a model he [sic] has been shown in class."[47] In other words, children learn by solving problems with the help of the teacher, who models processes for them and his or her peers, in a classroom environment that is directed by the teacher. In essence, "the child imitates the teacher through a process of re-creating previous classroom collaboration."[48] It is important to note that the teacher does not control the class with rule and structure; rather, the teacher collaborates with the students and provides support and direction.[49]
Assignments and activities that can be accurately completed by a student without assistance, indicate that the student has previously mastered the necessary prior knowledge. In the majority of classrooms this would be the conclusion of a unit; however, this is Vygotsky's entry point. However, as previously mentioned, the teacher must carefully group the student that "can potentially develop in collaboration with a more capable person."[50]
In our research, we found limited references to Vygotsky's specific views on curriculum content. One exception involves the teaching of writing to preschoolers. According to Garton and Pratt, Vygotsky argued for shifting the teaching of writing to preschool. They explain that Vygotsky differentiated between two forms of speech: spoken and written. Vygotsky, as cited by Garton and Pratt, asserts that a child develops an understanding that spoken speech can be symbolized in writing by progressing from "drawing things to drawing speech."[51] Vygotsky suggested then that the preschool curriculum should be designed so that it was organized to "ease child's transition from drawing things to drawing speech."[52]
Learning to master tools and technologies should also be included in the curriculum. "Students should be taught how to use tools such as the computer, resource books, and graphs in order to better utilize these tools in the future.[53] In this way, students will benefit as these tools and technologies influence the individual's thinking (along with the development of language).[54]
In sum, Vygotsky's findings suggest that the curriculum should generally challenge and stretch learner's competence.[55] The curriculum should provide many opportunities to apply previous skills, knowledge and experiences, with "authentic activities connected to real-life environment."[56] "Since children learn much through interaction, curricula should be designed to emphasize interaction between learners and learning tasks."[57]
From: http://www.newfoundations.com/GALLERY/Vygotsky.html
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Things I Learned in My First Month of Teaching
1) Do the Housework First (Or Less Fun Tasks First, School Second)
I'm housework challenged, so this may only apply to me. (If you picture handing your 4 year old a sponge and squirt bottle and watch her stare with dismay that those crusty bits remain on the countertop dispute minutes of vigorous scrubbing you get a sense of my level of competence in this area.) We spent a few tupsy turvy weeks as I plunged into full teaching mode and disregarded my weekly laundry routine. Somehow, I felt that now that school "counted" my teaching tasks were far more important than lowly vacuuming time. Things got pretty miserable in our house, pretty quickly.
Now, I've made a commitment to be a housewife first and teacher second. If I make a commitment to get the laundry done at 8 AM, there ends up being tons of moments in the day to work on fun school projects. If I flip the order around, there is NEVER a spare moment to spontanously tackle the laundry pile.
I'm slowly making my peace with the epitaph on my gravestone not being "Levitating Contemplative Prayer/Brilliant Home Educator" or even the dowdy "Amazingly Accomplished Lawyer", but the plain title of "Wife, Mother, Family Laundress." Me and Saint Clare, tackling the smelly laundry pile every day, all day!
2) Let Your Kids Practice Talking
More important than reading and writing, kids need to refine their oral communciation skills. One of the big shortcomings of school is that little kids have to spend most of their day quietly listening to their teacher. As John Holt says "In School, the teacher who needs the least practice talking is the one who gets the most time to talk!"
For me, home education, is one long conversation with my kids. Tangible lessons like “clouds” or “the Titanic” are just new things to talk about with one another. Because there are so many distractions during my “regular” life (there always seems to be at least one serious question every time Mimi has a diaper explosion), I use my school time to focus on intensive listening to my older kids.
Teaching is much more about asking big questions, listening with focus and patience, than sharing my own knowledge. This month, I’ve noticed a huge growth in Alex and Hannah’s vocabulary, their ease of conversation and their joy of “presentations.”
3) Use Dad
Dad is the principal of our little school. His job is to calm down the teacher (me), review and praise student work, handle the scary public school evaluations, and teach difficult subjects. Hannah and I got ourselves lost over phonics. My husband graciously stepped in. He now gives her “private” lessons for 20 minutes after dinner. Hannah laps up the extra attention. My husband loves being an intimate part of her education. I wash the dishes in total happiness knowing that I get to cherry pick only the “fun” educational subjects to teach my kindergartener.
4) When a Kid isn't paying attention to something important, start teaching his younger sibling
Little Mimi is my best student. She loves to sit in the school chairs everyday. She loves to draw with her crayons. If I'm not getting anywhere with math or phonics with my older kids, I'll just start explaining the concept to Mimi. I initially just started doing this to make myself feel better (see, someone cares that I said 19 + 1 = 20 and not 110), it works every time. The older kids are drawn in like magnets. They want to be included in our fun. They also like to be "the teacher" and give lessons to their little sister.
5) Use Drama and Food to Teach History
Yesterday, we had corn beef and I launched into a history of the Irish Potato Famine. We do the Boston Massacre whenever we eat Baked Bean for lunch. We pretend that the Red Coats are Quartering in our house. We imagine immigrating to Boston as a poor Irish family. I usually throw in a dash of ethics. We talk about the uncharity of forcing the Irish to switch religions for a bowl of soup or that the “unsinkable Titanic” didn’t have enough life boats to save the Dads. (Yes, my children will be the ones passionately arguing “THAT’S NOT FAIR” in the State Social Studies Fair.)
6) Kids need lots of down time
Most of our day is spent in play. We take naps. We mess around with toys in the bathtub. We dig in dirt. We play on the monkey bars. We spend WAY more time watching movies than my kids’ pediatrician allows. (We are such movie buffs. Thursday was Annie Day and Today was Superman. I’m thinking that maybe I can rename this home-school thing the Benjamin Film Academy just to get out of the 1 hour of screen time thing.)
7) Model Your Own Learning
The best thing that I'm doing is modeling my own commitment to improve my spelling. Pick a subject that is a weak spot, and model your improvement to your kids.
8) Pray about Home Education everyday with your Spouse
I keep praying all the time to Our Blessed Mother and Saint Anne. The uncertainity and the impossibility of the home teacher role, is actually its strength. You have to turn it over to our Mother. You have to trust. You have to trust your child. You have to trust yourself. Most of all, you have to trust that the Holy Spirit will guide you on this adventure together.
Hope everyones October in Home School Land is also Hopeful and Happy!
I'm housework challenged, so this may only apply to me. (If you picture handing your 4 year old a sponge and squirt bottle and watch her stare with dismay that those crusty bits remain on the countertop dispute minutes of vigorous scrubbing you get a sense of my level of competence in this area.) We spent a few tupsy turvy weeks as I plunged into full teaching mode and disregarded my weekly laundry routine. Somehow, I felt that now that school "counted" my teaching tasks were far more important than lowly vacuuming time. Things got pretty miserable in our house, pretty quickly.
Now, I've made a commitment to be a housewife first and teacher second. If I make a commitment to get the laundry done at 8 AM, there ends up being tons of moments in the day to work on fun school projects. If I flip the order around, there is NEVER a spare moment to spontanously tackle the laundry pile.
I'm slowly making my peace with the epitaph on my gravestone not being "Levitating Contemplative Prayer/Brilliant Home Educator" or even the dowdy "Amazingly Accomplished Lawyer", but the plain title of "Wife, Mother, Family Laundress." Me and Saint Clare, tackling the smelly laundry pile every day, all day!
2) Let Your Kids Practice Talking
More important than reading and writing, kids need to refine their oral communciation skills. One of the big shortcomings of school is that little kids have to spend most of their day quietly listening to their teacher. As John Holt says "In School, the teacher who needs the least practice talking is the one who gets the most time to talk!"
For me, home education, is one long conversation with my kids. Tangible lessons like “clouds” or “the Titanic” are just new things to talk about with one another. Because there are so many distractions during my “regular” life (there always seems to be at least one serious question every time Mimi has a diaper explosion), I use my school time to focus on intensive listening to my older kids.
Teaching is much more about asking big questions, listening with focus and patience, than sharing my own knowledge. This month, I’ve noticed a huge growth in Alex and Hannah’s vocabulary, their ease of conversation and their joy of “presentations.”
3) Use Dad
Dad is the principal of our little school. His job is to calm down the teacher (me), review and praise student work, handle the scary public school evaluations, and teach difficult subjects. Hannah and I got ourselves lost over phonics. My husband graciously stepped in. He now gives her “private” lessons for 20 minutes after dinner. Hannah laps up the extra attention. My husband loves being an intimate part of her education. I wash the dishes in total happiness knowing that I get to cherry pick only the “fun” educational subjects to teach my kindergartener.
4) When a Kid isn't paying attention to something important, start teaching his younger sibling
Little Mimi is my best student. She loves to sit in the school chairs everyday. She loves to draw with her crayons. If I'm not getting anywhere with math or phonics with my older kids, I'll just start explaining the concept to Mimi. I initially just started doing this to make myself feel better (see, someone cares that I said 19 + 1 = 20 and not 110), it works every time. The older kids are drawn in like magnets. They want to be included in our fun. They also like to be "the teacher" and give lessons to their little sister.
5) Use Drama and Food to Teach History
Yesterday, we had corn beef and I launched into a history of the Irish Potato Famine. We do the Boston Massacre whenever we eat Baked Bean for lunch. We pretend that the Red Coats are Quartering in our house. We imagine immigrating to Boston as a poor Irish family. I usually throw in a dash of ethics. We talk about the uncharity of forcing the Irish to switch religions for a bowl of soup or that the “unsinkable Titanic” didn’t have enough life boats to save the Dads. (Yes, my children will be the ones passionately arguing “THAT’S NOT FAIR” in the State Social Studies Fair.)
6) Kids need lots of down time
Most of our day is spent in play. We take naps. We mess around with toys in the bathtub. We dig in dirt. We play on the monkey bars. We spend WAY more time watching movies than my kids’ pediatrician allows. (We are such movie buffs. Thursday was Annie Day and Today was Superman. I’m thinking that maybe I can rename this home-school thing the Benjamin Film Academy just to get out of the 1 hour of screen time thing.)
7) Model Your Own Learning
The best thing that I'm doing is modeling my own commitment to improve my spelling. Pick a subject that is a weak spot, and model your improvement to your kids.
8) Pray about Home Education everyday with your Spouse
I keep praying all the time to Our Blessed Mother and Saint Anne. The uncertainity and the impossibility of the home teacher role, is actually its strength. You have to turn it over to our Mother. You have to trust. You have to trust your child. You have to trust yourself. Most of all, you have to trust that the Holy Spirit will guide you on this adventure together.
Hope everyones October in Home School Land is also Hopeful and Happy!
Happy Feast Day of Saint Therese!
This October, I'm jumping into the joint theology of St. Theresa of Avila (my spiritual mentor), St. John of the Cross, and Saint Theresa of the Child Jesus. Here's a quote that I shared with my children today.
"(When I was a) little four-year-old person. I had a dream then which is deeply imporessed on my memory. One night I dreat that I was going out to walk by myself in teh garden. I saw, near the arbor, two horrible little devils on a barrel which stood there. They were astonishingly lively in spite of the heavy chains they had on their feet. Suddenly they glared at me with their blazing eyes; then, looking much more frightened that I was, they jumped down from the bareel and ran to hide in the line room which was just opposite. When I saw they were such cowards, I wanted to find out what they were up to, so I went to the window. These wretched little impos were running about on the tables and didn't know what to do to escape my gaze. Every now and then they came and peeped uneasily out of the window, but when they saw I was still there, they began to run about again as if crazy by despair. Of course there was nothing extraordinary about that dream, yet I think God has let me remember it to prove to me that a soul in a state of grace need fear nothing from devils, for they are so cowardly that they flee from the gaze of a child." The Story of a Soul, pg 10.
"(When I was a) little four-year-old person. I had a dream then which is deeply imporessed on my memory. One night I dreat that I was going out to walk by myself in teh garden. I saw, near the arbor, two horrible little devils on a barrel which stood there. They were astonishingly lively in spite of the heavy chains they had on their feet. Suddenly they glared at me with their blazing eyes; then, looking much more frightened that I was, they jumped down from the bareel and ran to hide in the line room which was just opposite. When I saw they were such cowards, I wanted to find out what they were up to, so I went to the window. These wretched little impos were running about on the tables and didn't know what to do to escape my gaze. Every now and then they came and peeped uneasily out of the window, but when they saw I was still there, they began to run about again as if crazy by despair. Of course there was nothing extraordinary about that dream, yet I think God has let me remember it to prove to me that a soul in a state of grace need fear nothing from devils, for they are so cowardly that they flee from the gaze of a child." The Story of a Soul, pg 10.
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