Saturday, March 3, 2012

Random Round-up

Forgive me, I've got pregnancy brain. I've got 19 days until my scheduled c-section. Not sure I could come up with a coherent post if I tried. Blogging will probably be a little spotty from here on out.

1. I'm having an interesting Lent. Rather than take on any big spiritual tasks, I'm trying to do a better job of living my daily life "with Him." Being in God's presence, conscious that every small task, taking a shower, finding a child's lost shoes, changing a diaper, staying gracious while suffering pregnancy pain--everything thing is from him, for him, and with him.

I'm failing totally miserably, like 99% of the time. But the slight 1% of the time that I do something new "for God" is mind bendingly awesome!

2. I'm fighting to stay away from "spiritual pride." I had a bad, bad dose of spiritual pride as a Methodist. I'm not sure that I blame my former Protestant faith so much as humility and hiddeness were NOT on my radar. I used to boast in my Lenten fasts like "look what awesome things I'm doing for God in these 40 days."

Now, as a Carmelite I'm trying to be quieter. God doesn't need my fasts, or my prayers, or my alms. I don't need to go looking for crosses. God's merciful plan for my daily life is to send me plenty of crosses AND plenty of chances to do small acts of charity (plus moments for fasting, praying and alms-giving.) I'm doing myself a disservice if I just concentrate on the "big" charity things and miss out on the daily grind stuff. I really believe that handling my "daily grind" with prayer, hope and supernatural cheerfulness is what is going to get me into heaven.

3. Because I'm working on this in my own life "check-a-box" Catholics are driving me crazy. I really hate it when people are like "I'm good to go because I already checked off my God box today." I'm running into it all the time. 'Oh I went to Daily Mass", or "I visited a nursing home this week" or "I put money in the poor box."

It feels like nails on a chalk board to me when I run into this situation. So pray for me, because I've really got to stop being so judgmental!!!!! I'm working myself into a extra round of purgatory, if not the actual pit of hell. Just because I'm working on this issue does not mean that the rest of the world needs to conquer it with me.

4. We're discovering that we were really sent to West Virginia to be "missionaries." I live in an extremely Christian State, but only 5% of the population is Catholic. There's a lot of bias against Catholics--so I've found the Catholics here are somewhat "confused." Like they don't talk about Mary, even on her feast days.
So we end up in a lot of situations that are weird and confusing. I'm trying to just stay calm and be content to let our family's Catholic light shine quietly. (Neither my husband or I are any good at appolgetics. We keep joking "We're Carmelites, not Dominicans. We'll leave the preaching to them and stick to praying ourselves!)

5. After 3 years in Carmel, I'm finally making peace with the idea that  "I'm a beginner!" I might very well die a total beginner! (I mean, all progress in the spiritual road is His alone to great right?) I used to stress out so much about "what room of the Interior Castle I was in" or how quickly I could move up into a higher state of prayer.

Now it's just so calming to think "I'm just a little beginner." Its so nice because the stuff "little beginners do" pray, try to follow the 10 commandments, attempt to cultivate the naturally 'hard' virtues in my soul--those are the same things that the Saints do at a higher level. Plus, I told my husband I no longer have any fear about conversing with someone who is super advanced on the spiritual plane. Everyone thinks the pre-school CCD class is so cute when they lisp "Jesus loves Me, this I know" in Sunday Mass. That's all I am, a spiritual three year old! With humility, I could comfortably chat with the Pope right now!

8 comments:

sarah said...

Yeah, that kind of happened to me ~ I had to modify my lenten fast to being more 'there' with the tasks I should already be doing, but haven't put a lot of discipline into doing. Meal planning, for one.

Mother of God, Pray for Us!

Blair said...

Lots of good food for thought! I like the idea of being content as a "spiritual beginner." I also think I'll ponder your thoughts on being a "check the box" Catholic. I know sometimes there is a time for that, but am I moving past the boxes and letting those little commitments spur me on to greater love and holiness? Good thoughts.

Kaitlin @ More Like Mary said...

I cant believe you're so close! Woah!!

Lena said...

I like the phrase, "check a box Catholic."

Lena said...

I like the phrase, "check a box Catholic."

Jamie said...

Well, for not being able to come up with a coherent post, that was quite thought-provoking.

I love the "beginner" idea. Isn't that the thought behind if we are not like little children, we'll never be able to enter the kingdom of heaven?

Also, I totally get what you are saying about living your daily life for Him. The fasting, the great charitable causes, the bit efforts to volunteer, attend mass, sit for adoration, etc, are all for naught if you can't live out your vocation at home as a wife and mother in a holy way. Believe me, I muse on this every day in my own life.

Good luck with the next 19 days. May you feel peace and joy and wonder with all the blessings He has bestowed on you.

Melanie B said...

What you say about failing 99% of the time is so true for me as well. I'm trying to work on not letting it discourage me when I fall flat on my face but just pick myself up and keep going instead of berating myself. Trying to treat myself like I treat my children, with gentle encouragement and modest expectations rather than expecting they will master all of life in a single day.


Prayers for you in the next nineteen days. I can't believe it is so soon!

April said...

This is a great post - and it's a very beautiful way to approach Lent! I'm trying focus more on the "littleness" of daily life as well.