Friday, November 16, 2012

The Anti-Harried Wives Club: Dealing Maturely With Insecurity

I'm horribly insecure as a Mother. This is supposed to be the most important job in the world.  I so often have no idea what I'm doing. As soon as I do master a new skill set, a new rhythm, a new budget--then along comes another monkey wrench.

I can deal with the bumps in the road with humility--or I can start freaking out and try to grab control of the situation. Almost always my little attempts to regain control make my life (and the life of my family members) go from slightly off-kilter to wildly chaotic in a matter of hours.

The mother is the heart of the family. There is a lot of pressure to try and keep my heartbeat relaxed and steady during the Day Light Hours.

Underneath all this insecurity is probably a lack of realistic expectations of myself as a Mother. My internal ideas of "what I'm supposed to be doing" change frequently. I didn't grow up in a Catholic home. Current American culture is bereft of healthy role-models. But I've got to say, my parish isn't really overflowing with healthy Mother role-models either. For example, I'm really hard pressed to come up with an "in real life example" of a Mother who is joyful. There are many Catholic mothers who I admire for their excellent Martha qualities. Not so many who exhibit her sister Mary's qualities.

My husband and I were chatting about what a "realistic" Mother would look like in today world. I think his definition was someone who God loved. To Jon (a Carmelite) when God loves someone he gives her (1) limited money, (2) real crosses (real ones not fake drama crosses), (3) supernatural joy in the middle of those crosses.

That means the heroes I should start to look for are not the Mothers who look "together"--because that is a worldly standard, but a Mother who has real peace in the middle of suffering.

St. Margaret of Scotland, pray for me.


  1. I have really loved this series. I have just found someone in real life (my daughter's preschool teacher) who is so encouraging and makes me feel great about my mothering skills. She is always positive and gives the sweetest compliments, that even when I don't agree with her that I'm doing something right, she makes me want to improve. I have been reading your blog for a while though I've rarely commented, and you are one of the mothers who inspires me. Your blog is one of my favorites. Thanks for this series.

  2. Ok, so God has given me (1) and (2) really looking for some (3)!!! But if the first two are signs that He loves me, then that feels like the seed of joy.

  3. Thanks Princess Morag and Suzanne. I'll pray for you, you pray for me!

  4. Oh my Abigail. Wow. Very powerful. I've been mulling over your friendship post for the last several days and now I'll be mulling over this one. I guess God loves me a whole lot ;). Of course he does! Although the limited money has lifted a bit. And the crosses have become lighter. Well, they feel lighter.

  5. I want to be friends with Mrs. Duggar! LOL

  6. I want to be friends with Mrs. Duggar! LOL