This has been the weirdest Advent ever. So I started Advent telling God "I want to stop being a perfectionist." All kinds of adventure got unwrapped with that prayer. On of which, I decide to resign from being a Religious Education teacher in December--instead of gutting it out until the class ends in May. All kinds of reasons piled up for why Jesus thought it would be a good idea to quit. The only reason for me to stay ended up being "I look really flakey if I quit mid year."
I talked it over with my husband and after a long time, I decided to send in my resignation by email. Right before I did that task, I remembered that one of my kids' character education words that week was "dependable." I sighed. "Oh I look really dependable by quitting teaching in the middle of the school year."
Immediately, I had this good thought. "I'm dependable to my husband and my family. I'm dependable to Jesus."
That is so much the crux of my problem. I want to "appear" dependable, kind, or trustworthy to others, but I totally neglect to actually act dependably to Jesus. I care more about the image, than the reality.
In 2001, I made a lifetime vow to marry my spouse. I promised to take care of my family. If anything clutters up or impedes that goal regularly, it has to go. Even Religious Education--which is a service to my Bishop. So by quitting teaching Religious Education mid-year--I'm dependable.