Thursday, August 16, 2012

God Loves You More

I had an intense envy attack while reading Facebook this week.

My second-cousin has a newborn son, her third. She wrote "After 55 days of help, today was my first day alone with the boys".

I almost fell off my bed. She had 55 DAYS of help after childbirth?

I posted something bitter.

Then I deleted it.

Hours later.

I confessed to my husband that night about my feelings of envy.

He said something to the effect of "some women have that, what's the big deal?"

Tears sprang to my eyes. "The big deal is that this isn't some stranger. This is someone in MY family". The only difference between my cousin and me, is that her branch of the family tree kept their Christian faith. Mine lost it. She had a mother, and sisters and probably in-laws, that were joyous and helpful after her son's birth. I didn't.

I'm alone.

My husband, and fellow Carmelite, looked at me and said.....

"God loves you more!"

I think I laughed sarcastically. He said "No really, your cousin is going to have a wonderful life and a wonderful reward in heaven. She's from good Christian stock and she's going to raise good Christian boys. But you--you are on the frontier. You are on the front-line of this war. You are a Special Operative. You have a totally different assignment, you're fighting behind enemy lines. God gave you the much harder assignment, because God loves you more."


  1. That is awesome. What an amazing way to see reality. I know the help would have been nice as well...But with God and a husband like that you have riches indeed.

  2. Your Jon is right. And you know what, you will be extra sensitive to what your children needs when THEY have their children. You will be there for 55 days, or more, when they have their newborns. I had no help either after any of our children. After Maia was born, we hired a doula. A huge waste of money because all she did was sit on my couch talking about the baby's latch, and then eating all my food. She was paid to do laundry, cook, etc. She did nothing. It may be hard now, but your children and your grandchildren will be so blest because they will have the best mother/grandmother anyone could ask for. Love you girl. Keep up the good fight.

  3. I cannot type...blessed, not blest!

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  5. sometimes God shows his love through our birth families, and sometimes he shows his love through our new families (spouse, children, in-laws). Sometimes the love is in a really obvious blessing and sometimes it is hidden. Keep looking for the hidden treasures in the darkness. One day your children will rise up and call you blessed.

  6. Wow, I've never had a comment deleted on a blog before now. I certainly didn't mean to offend you. I'm fighting the urge to justify myself.

    I'll just say that I, too, struggle with jealousy over certain family situations that I really didn't go into in the other comment. My take is more like Princess Morag's. God's love is sometimes obvious and sometimes hidden, but to start keeping rank seems dangerous to me.

    I hope this comment doesn't upset you as well. And I think your homeschooling post that just went up is excellent.

  7. I enjoyed your post. I too had moments like this when reading f/b postings. (I no longer have f/b!) There are also the posts where a mommy friend would say how she was up all night with sick babies, and then several of her friends would tell her to bring all the kids over so she could get some sleep in. That was also disturbing to me because I definitely don't/didn't have that luxury when my kids get sick. And I typically have 2-3 sick at the same time. I've definitely had that feeling of not having help when needed over the past couple of years. It's hard. So, I thank you and your husband for giving me a different perspective on it!!

  8. Feelings of jealousy are normal. We can't control our feelings. We can only control our actions, how we act on our feelings. You had (and are still having) a tough time, it's normal to wish you had help, particularly when you are faced with an example of someone who has exactly what you could have used -- but you're also doing the right thing, but not letting these feelings turn into destructive bitterness.

    Also, just because someone has a Christian family doesn't always correlate with helpfulness. My parents are devout Catholics and my mother was NOT there when I needed her (due to problems of her own, I realize now, but I felt abandoned at the time). And I know lots and lots of purely secular families who rally to help new mothers -- and yes, I envied these mothers! Seeing someone else get what you so desperately wish you had hurts, there's no way around it. Hang in there!

  9. I am athiest and had help for more than three months. Not sure what religion has to do with getting help after having a baby. I am lucky to have a close knit family and am surrounded by lots and lots of love - my mother and grandmother actually each moved into a spare bedroom until I told them "I think Ive got this!" Between their help and my husbands hands-on approach, we had a very easy transition to life with a newborn. Maybe if you chilled out on the religious brainwashing? I dont know. All of your posts seem like you have a very high stress level - or that youre just insane.